middle ground?

What do you do when you have two extremely conflicting choices, how do you find the balance?

One part of me just wants to dive straight in, head first, fully immerse myself and not care for the consequences or whether I'm 'too keen', constantly showering him with all the love I have for him

And the other part of me just wants to dive back into the shell/back of the wall that I have created for fear of being vulnerable, just to hide everything that I feel and seek the emotional void that I have catered to and grown into comfortably.

I actually feel like these two parts of me are pulling at each other, and fuck it's so frustrating trying to cater to both. How the hell do people find that middle ground?

I seem to always find myself at both ends. Either being too keen or too distant I don't know.

Ok rant over.